I keep tearing all the shrink wrap off of my Soylent bottles. Not just the top bit around the cap. All of it.
All of it.
I’m OCD about it now. I can’t allow myself to even open the bottle until every last shred of wrap has been peeled away and discarded. The bottle has to be completely nude before I can continue.
People are looking at me funny now. Co-workers talk about me at the water cooler. Others snicker and point at me from the shadows, me and my liquid I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-food food. I feel like an alien taking part in some hitherto unknown ritual. But I can’t stop.
And it never comes off in one easy pull, oh no. It refuses to do that. Rather, it strips away in small pieces, forcing me to keep picking away at it bit by bit. Not an easy task. It refuses to rip clean. I have to stretch it like an unbreakable elastic until an actual rip starts. Which then comes off in a 4mm wide strip. Lather rinse repeat. Dastardly thing.
I just peeled another one. Took longer to peel than to drink. I think it laughed at me as I unscrewed the cap.