So there we are, innocently bringing a month of Soylent 1.3 across the border into rain-soaked Canada. I’ve done this a few times in the past, and it’s never been an issue.
But this time… This time, the border guards just freak out. I’m fairly sure they took an instant dislike to us, and spent the next two hours looking for a reason to prevent us from bringing it across, as we sat patiently on their glossy plastic chairs.
As the minutes crawled by, other guards would get sucked in by the situation’s gravity and the group assessing it slowly grew. At one point we heard them discussing “soylent green”.
Two hours later, we approached the shielded divider.
You can’t bring it across, he said. It fielded tested positive for amphetamines. We’re exercising our right to keep one bag and one bottle and ship them to Health Canada. You need to take the rest back to the USA. I don’t recommend you try to bring them across another border crossing, or your goods and vehicle will be seized and your record marked.*
I asked if Health Canada would contact me, but he told me they wouldn’t and that they may not even contact the border guards. And that it will take at least 8 weeks.
After that, it was back to the border line to the USA, where we explained the situation, and they were quite friendly.
All in all, it took us a respectable three hours to get back into Canada, and no Soylent to show for it.
* not exact quotes