Smoking Soylent


#1

Prior Experience: SWIM has done protein powders, Ensure, IV feeding tube when he was in the hospital for scurvy (that stuff is dope!), and has experimented with a variety of other meal replacements and “designer” foods.

SWIM ordered 2 weeks of Soylent back in August 2013 when he backed it on Kickstarter. Since it hadn’t arrived yet, SWIM decided to find a dealer in his home town who’d already been getting reorders. He was wary at first because he’d been hearing reports that a lot of the street Soylent going around is either cut with cornstarch or contains other trace impurities (such as 100%FOOD). Rosa Labs should really design a home purity test kit, but SWIM took the risk anyway, and is very happy that he did.

SWIM enjoys the easy taste of Soylent, even though he normally has a huge sweet tooth. The come-on is gradual and mostly satisfies his cravings, and there isn’t much of a crash (just a little headache). How long the effects last seems to be directly proportional to the amount of Soylent consumed.

There was only one real problem. Having heard how quickly “Joylent” is taking over the European rave scene, SWIM decided to use Soylent when he was going to be out partying on the weekend. Unfortunately, SWIM was rejected by girls at multiple nightclubs because of excessive flatulence. In order to avoid this issue, he now prefers to smoke his Soylent instead of taking it orally; this seems to bypass whatever digestive process is responsible for the farts. He says you can also just snort a few lines in the bathroom beforehand but that it can be pretty hard on your sinuses.

To smoke Soylent, you should freebase it first. There are plenty of guides online for doing this, but basically you can just dissolve the Soylent in ethanol and strain it through a coffee filter onto some sort of pan. SWIM expected to see crystals or powder when the liquid evaporated, but it’s really more of a sticky yellowish, clumpy substance. It works just fine though; SWIM loved using it in his roommate’s hookah, but over time the Soylent tends to gunk up the pipes and his roommate has complained that it makes his pipe tobacco taste like vanillin extract.

Note: you also CAN parachute Soylent, which has the advantage that you don’t have to mix it ahead of time or carry around a large bottle during the day. Just be careful; after two days of doing this, SWIM found himself pretty dehydrated. SWIM is also considering taking Soylent via enema, but is concerned that enough Soylent to get him through the day would be quite a lot of liquid to have to absorb rectally. He also isn’t sure whether this would make the flatulence issue better or worse.

All in all, SWIM is very happy with his Soylent experience. It’s a great substitute for other foods when he’s suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Even though he’s only been doing Soylent on and off for a few weeks, he’s pretty sure that it has less addiction potential than the Hot Pockets and Doritos he’d been eating/snorting before.


#2

Hahaha. Thanks for that :smile:


#3

Parody in the style of Bluelight and so many other forums; hilarious!

Translation for those unfamiliar with that paper shield of an acronym: SWIM = Someone Who Isn’t Me


#4

Oh man… took me 2 paragraphs to figure out this was humor. Whew!