Ok, so here’s my Beerlent (fermenting Soylent) story:
I have a pretty plain thermos thingy I usually keep my soylent in. Just aluminum, with a hard plastic screw top with a rubbery gasket. Nothing fancy.
So I’d had it at work with me, and had consumed about 2/3 of the thermos. It had gotten warm-ish before I capped it for the day and went home. Well, I forgot it in my bag for a couple days…and then it sat a couple days longer because I didn’t want to deal with what I knew would be a SoyBomb. I finally worked up the courage to tackle the beastie, and this is what happened.
I was in the bathroom (because pouring beerlent down the kitchen sink is a Bad Idea ™, much better to flush it), prepped (or so I thought) for whatever might come out of this unfortunate container. I went to unscrew the top, and…couldn’t. It was stuck tight. The hairs on the back of my neck went up a little bit at this – I was clearly in deeper than I thought. “It’s pressure-locked,” I thought, “I’m in trouble.” I had barely cracked the seal when it started hissing. I unscrewed the cap a mere 1/4 turn, and the hissing got louder – more like a punctured car tire than the snake-y hissing of a mere second ago.
Gathering what courage I had left, I went for another 1/4 turn, thinking that if I could bleed off enough pressure I could avoid an explosion. It was just as I was having this clever thought that I spotted the gasket ballooning out like a hernia. I pointed the herniated gasket toward the waiting toilet bowl as fast as I could, and not a moment too soon, because a high-pressure jet of beerlent came firing out of my little thermos. Wanting to try and save the gasket, I tried to unscrew the top…but I’d barely touched it when the cap popped out and ricocheted around the adjacent shower. Beerlent – rancid, reeking beerlent – went all over the toilet and the tile (oddly but thankfully missing the rug), and to my moderate horror I spotted two globs of coagulated, fermented soylent clinging oozily to my shower curtain.
Horrified, and doing my best not to breathe, I cleaned up the bathroom and did my best to forget the whole incident.
A couple days later, though, my experience came back to me when I found a third, very sneaky glob of soylent dried like fucking glue to the shower curtain. It … hasn’t really come off yet. My only saving grace is that it hasn’t yet molded or something. It’s just there, bearing crusty witness to my laziness-induced misfortunes.